Potential, kamma and renunciation 

Potential, kamma and renunciation

These past 3 days, I've been to Dhamma talks one after another by Ven Robina Courtin, a nun from the Tibetan tradition, Ven Mahinda, a Theravadin monk and listening to Ven Ri Chang, a Taiwanese Mahayana monk's tape expounding kamma. It has been a bombardment and total immersion in the teaching of kamma which has left me quite speechless as I compare it closely with my experiences these 3 days. Let me now attempt to sort out my thoughts and insights as I share it with you.

Please forgive me for the confusion, and I hope sincerely that the Venerables have not been misrepresented by my poor memory.

Some of the teachings that I've been throwing around in my mind are:
1. Kamma can directly or indirectly explain everything that happens to you. Kamma cannot be lost and will stay with us..
2. We have the innate potential to be good, and when we purify our mind, this potential will emerge.
3. When we decide to 'renounce', let go or to want to be free, we must start facing up to the situation. And this means we have to be prepared to get our hands dirty as we face up to the 'dirt'. It is not about running away or hating the dirt. It's about finding a way out.

Kamma can directly or indirectly explain everything that happens to you. Kamma cannot be lost and will stay with us.

Both Ven Mahinda and Ven Robina said this in different ways: We always ask "Why me?" when bad things happen to us, but we don't ask 'why me' when good things happen to us. We seem to take good things for granted because we are attached to them. And we push away those, which are not good. But all these are all results of our kamma! If somebody blames you this life for something you did not do, then you might have done something to that person in a previous existence! We are all linked to each other by cause and effect. Kamma is about planting seeds in our consciousness and once these are planted, they WILL ripen in the future.

On kamma and tradition of practice?

I asked Ven Robina a personal question about practice and finding a tradition I will be comfortable with, and she shared how she became a nun. She did not know there were so many schools of Buddhism, she did not know what are the different sects of Tibetan tradition, she just met people whom she feels are her teachers and she has plunged in. She said that's her kamma with her teacher! Her advice was at the end of the day: whom you choose as a teacher is a matter of kamma, whom you feel closest to. Just give up choosing and go with what feels most natural for you. She said, "just commit to one tradition but continue to be open with the teachings of other religions and other traditions. But it is important to commit to one."

Ven Mahinda had his take on practice methods and schools of practice. When asked if practising metta or breath meditation alone could lead one to liberation without vipassana (insight meditation), he refuted quickly. All these are later marketing ploys! The Buddha never separated his teachings in this way, into samatha or vipassana. These are useful later for scholars or students to study when they categorise the different methods. When he traveled in different countries, he met masters some of whom only taught meditating on 'buddho' or insisting that it must be pronounced in a certain way. He realised that there are different methods, but as long as the individual has faith and practices consistently it will all lead to enlightenment. Everyone has a different inclination. He shared that his own inclinations to be a monk was apparent even when he was young: he could not sing, he was not interested in the material, and his health was best when he visited or stayed in temples (he said in jest). For him, he was just continuing this tendency brought over from the past life.

We have the innate potential to be good, and when we purify our mind, this potential will emerge.

At Changi Women's Prison, Ven Robina asked the women at her talk to each give one good quality they can think of that they have. Shyly some of them said, 'soft-hearted'. Ven caught on and asked the rest if they all have this quality. All of them agreed. She then commented, "all of you have the quality of love and compassion. But is it also because of this that you got in trouble?" They nodded. She continued, "It's excellent that you have compassion, but you need wisdom to go along with it! It?s like a bird with two wings, you need both wisdom and compassion."

This is the innate potential of goodness that we all have. Do we recognise it? Where has it gone to hide? Do we know how to handle it?

Ven Robina continued, "Look at your current situation and problems and feel happy for it because you are now finishing off the bad kamma! When all this has gone away, you will be purified and your good qualities will emerge and you can strengthen them." On another stage, Ven Mahinda said, "It does not matter what our meditation object is. The more we focus our minds there, the more our minds are purified and the full potential of our mind will emerge; and we can begin to connect our minds to other beings, devas, Bodhisattvas, etc at a frequency with lots of love and compassion."

This afternoon I met a group of Buddhist friends as I passed by a coffee shop and stopped to chat. We had seen each other going for lessons at the same centre but rarely had a chance to interact. As they caught up on their curiosity of how I got to learn Buddhism and my own path, one of them commented, "Your progress is admirable!" For the first 16 years of my life, I was obese, frighteningly overweight with a strong, out of control attachment to food. But once I got to know Buddhism at 19, I became a vegetarian and shaved off a huge bulk of weight. About 2 years ago, I started to abstain from the evening meal and shaved off some more weight. While they amazed at what I had 'achieved', I reflected quietly that it had not taken me much to make these decisions. It seemed so easy and natural to me as soon as the dews of Dhamma had begun to nourish my heart. I reflected on how extreme my own path was: from a full swing from uncontrollable indulgence to disciplined abstinence. What had helped my potential emerge? And I say 'emerge' because I had not done much to train and beat these inclinations into place.

Every time I make a public presentation or share with others in a intense, focused manner (counseling), I always amaze myself with the things I say, the insights, love and calmness which seems to just flow readily and naturally from the heart. Some of the things I haven't thought about before just arise as naturally as if it had been residing in me all the time! My tone becomes measured, my voice calming and I become empowered with an amazing mental reflex that is able to satisfy others with an answer which is beneficial to them. Last two nights, I was the emcee for public talks by Ven Mahinda. Some people told me I was excellent as the emcee, some said I had 'character', and someone said they were totally impressed with my English, accent included. Where did my coolness come from? What accent? My family speaks Mandarin at home, I had never been inclined towards fluent English speaking, and certainly never took up any course in public speaking or presentation.

As I reflect, I am constantly amazed. Since I started learning Buddhism, I saw myself changing so much, so dramatically and naturally. The confidence and fluency and clarity of ideas just seem to emerge. And I realised that every time I let go of my own fears, hesitation and views, I was able to get into one of these amazing states of focus, calm and great compassion.

Is this the same as the inner potential emerging?

But I know for sure that every time I face a situation with mindfulness and just be with the moment, I naturally know what to say and what to do. Every time I try very hard to form a 'view', an opinion, that ability falls away. Perhaps all these are the defilements, and as long as they are around, my innate good qualities brought down from previous practice cannot emerge. It seems that the harder I try, the further I get away from this innate potential. I still feel awed and cannot explain this observation and share here with you so that you may help put some light to my experiences.


Sorting out my thoughts?

I'm not sure what kind of conclusion to give, but I feel in myself that a strong faith has arisen, or been rekindled in kamma, in our interconnectedness and in the striving for goodness. I am amazed at how much we are in the grasp and flow of our own kamma: negative ones binding with poor conditions for practice, possessive parents and partners, poor financial health; and good ones connecting us to wise ones, teachers, spiritual companions, life partners, practice methods, etc. BUT also similarly inspired by how kamma links us up to what we've been doing in our past lives, linking us up with unfinished practice, unfinished relationships, unfinished matters, and how it helps us build up on firm foundations of goodness and stability.

There is nothing that happens to us by chance, and that itself is a powerful reflection. "I am the owner of my own actions, the heir of my actions, being born from my actions, bound up by my actions and taking my actions as my refuge."

I also reflect that the simple two words 'let go' is so powerful when we continue to learn and find out about what our kamma is meant to be.

To negative and binding situations, we let go and face the music because this is a boomerang effect that comes back to us as a result of our own actions. I like this analogy by Ven Robina: She said when we want to get out of samsara, get out of this dirt, we have to be prepared to deal with it. And that means being able to put both our hands into the dirt and not hating the dirt, avoiding the dirt, or cursing the dirt. We just want to get out, and we recognise that this is a necessary step. In other words, we 'let go' of our resistance and accept that this is a result of our own actions. Not finger pointing at other people, not blaming conditions, but simply to see it clearly and accept it as our own mess, roll up our sleeves and begin to tackle our own mess with equanimity and happiness that it has now ripened and will not come again.

To positive seeds, potential, good tendencies, wholesome states, we 'let go' of control, of grasping, of wanting to dictate where it should go and how it should serve our sensual desires. Instead we let go of the 'I', the possessiveness of 'mine' and the addiction to 'wanting to be'. The moment we let go of all this self imposed states of attachment, ill-will and delusion, our potential and goodness emerges. And it carries us, just like a tide would carry a boat without much effort into the wide, boundless sea. It expands and liberates not confine.There is no room for fear, no room for hesitation, no room for other things, or even other people to come onboard. This path is an individual one, and a transient one. If we can be content and let things fall into place, we can sit back and relax for an amazing show and amazing insights into the workings of kamma: of how we are inter-related and how we can tap on our positive potential to bring us to the end of dukkha, suffering, samsara.

Liberation without trying...

Just recognizing.


With much humility, mudita and metta
Peifen
24 July 2004